The never ending spiral

I'm thinking about writing a book about philosophy, poker, and life. I think I have a lot to offer the world in two out of three of those catagories. Now of course, when I say i'm thinking about writing a book I mean what all people who will never write a book mean when they utter those words. I want to write a book. But it will probably never happen.

Today I looked at the mirror wall of my uncle and aunt's exercise room and saw The heaviest form of Trevor ever to have stared back at a Trevor. Most people see something like this at least twice in their life and are struck by some sense of urgency or some lingering feeling of self doubt or disgust. I've never weighed over 180 in my life and I'm 6'1" so this is well within my healthy range, yet I know that I'm not in the best shape of my life and the fluctuations in the past year have not been fluctuation from norm to healthy but rather beer gut to norm. However, I fail to feel the aforementioned emotions probably because I don't yet have reason to test my limits of physical ability in Arlington, nor have I been unfortunate in the female department (if anything I've been blessed thus far in DC). My personality isn't affected by my fluctuation, and a poker player doesn't really need to be a health nut.

That being said I'm taking steps to get my fluctuations back on the better side of things. I've come to realize that I'm in my prime years here... we don't get these back, and If we aren't pushing ourselves to be our best now, we may never achieve our highest potential. This is true in poker too. I'm grinding out a profit (lol well...not lately), but not nearly at the rate i would like. I think I've spent more time getting better at the "poker lifestyle" hookers + blow (j/k mom) than I have getting better at poker. So i'm hitting the coaching vids again, hard. I plan to watch one a day for next month and treating it as a class, taking notes, reviewing my sessions etc. We'll see if it has an effect on my winrate, and if not I'm content with the way things are right now. I am of the opinion that the difference between the best poker players in the world and kevin chad scott and me is when they started playing online seriously, and when we started seriously playing. In two years, if poker is still my job, I expect to be well known. If I'm not on the brink of being set for life I will be extremely dissapointed. This goes for my worldly vessel as well. If i'm not in the best shape of my life for these next two years, i will be extremely dissapointed.

I'm still in chicago, fresh off an hour of running biking and stair steppin. Things are going well here, My cuz's b/f is over, he seems harmless enough, but they've been dating for like 1.5 years or something and she's 15...WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF! 15 years old lets see...where was I...oh yes deathly affraid of women...thanks cooties (sp?) She's a little too grown up for my liking, and a little too bossy/acrid in tone. I fear she may have lost some youth somewhere along the way. She still makes me smile with her brute intelligence though, It's refreshing to be around someone who just GETS THINGS like super fast. It makes teaching so easy. I mean, I could prolly teach her everything I've ever known in 5 days and she'd retain like 95% of it. Colin is the exact opposite! He's gullible, he likes puns and cracks jokes that just KILL ME! He loves Frasier, and has already found the love of his life in photography and has unbelievable skill at it. He whistles constantly. He laughs all the time and is filled with youthful exuberence.

I feel like its a classic dichotemy, Narcissus and Goldmund. One a master of the studies and knowledge the other a possessor of worldly experience and a love of life.

Time to decide what to do for dinner now!
And try and figure out where you are on that sliding scale.